


Before Midnight

by WarriorBeeoftheSea



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M, New Year's Eve, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:29:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28464606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarriorBeeoftheSea/pseuds/WarriorBeeoftheSea
Summary: It hurts to think about things you can’t have or help.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 20
Kudos: 77





	Before Midnight

Penelope’s mum is having a big to-do for the new year, and somehow I’ve been talked into going. I don’t mind, really. It’s hard for me to be around other mages, still, but it’s getting easier. 

Plus Penny’s spelled my wings in, which is nice. I’ve spent most of the party leaning straight against a wall in the corner of the Bunces’ sitting room. Imagine! How sad is it that having my back against a wall is a thing I’ve missed?

I don’t know what time it is now, but I’ve wandered out into the garden. Must be close to midnight, but I don’t really care. Now I’m staring up at the stars, thinking. Trying not to think. I dunno. It’s all the same, really.

_It hurts to think about things you can’t have or help._

But that’s just it, innit? I can have. I _do_ have. I have what I want, and that’s Baz. I want him so much, I can’t help it. 

It’s terrifying, really.

“You look lost in thought.” I’m startled by the voice, but then Baz’s hands curl around my sides from behind, and I’m soothed. 

“Thought? Never heard of it.” He snorts a derisive laugh and draws closer to me. His hands are firm but unmoving on my hips, until I tip my head to the side and lean back into him. He lets out a nervous breath before sliding his arms around me and hooking his chin on my shoulder. 

Baz wants me. I know he does. And that still scares me, and me being scared scares _him_ , and it’s a whole awful thing. And I want to let him initiate touches and kisses, but that’s even scarier, for both of us, really, so now we do this awkward, tentative dance where he pretends he’s not watching my body language for an invitation to touch me. 

It’s too complicated for how good this feels whenever we manage it. I put my hands over his where they’re resting on my stomach, and I put my temple to his cheek. This is lovely. 

“What are you thinking about,” he whispers. A while ago this question would have made me go stiff in his arms and pull away. Like he was asking too much of me. _Pushing_ for too much. But I know he won’t huff and frown if I just shrug, or say _I dunno_ or even _I don’t want to talk about it_. (Because I’ve done that.) (Too many times.)

“This stupid, miserable year.” That’s not really what I was thinking about, but it feels like the right thing to talk about now. 

He hums and kisses the side of my head. “Glad it’s almost over.” It’s not a question. I’m not sure if he’s telling me that _I’m_ glad, or if he’s agreeing with me, but both things feel true enough that I don’t ask.

“Yeah.” 

I count ten of his slow breaths in my ear before he speaks again. “Think the new year will be any better?” 

I laugh, almost bitterly, and he tightens his arms around me. “Don’t see how it could be. I’m still me. I’m not going to change overnight.”

“Please don’t.” He’s using his soft, _I mean it_ voice, and I want to laugh the whole thing off. But that voice is sacred. 

“Don’t what?” 

“Please don’t change overnight. I like you the way you are.” 

My chest tightens in a way I’m learning to recognize as love. I don’t have anything to say to that, so I don’t. I turn my face towards his and bump his nose with mine. 

He understands, and kisses me. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I'm still here. Still putting my life back together. Still identifying a little too much with Simon Snow.  
> I wrote this as taking place the New Year's Eve following Wayward Son, but you can guess it takes inspiration from 2020.
> 
> (I did in fact think of this while taking a late afternoon shower before getting dressed and taking my dog for a walk.)


End file.
